Making it on your own not always possible in today’s new world

By Andrea Freedman

            When I was a young woman starting out in the work force, one of my biggest goals was to save up enough money to move out of my parents’ house and into my own apartment. Making it on my own was a right of passage that motivated me to work hard in order to turn my dream into a reality.

            After I had actually made the move to my own place, I quickly began to lose patience (and even found it a turnoff) for guys I was dating who still lived at home with their parents. In those days, I considered it a red flag warning me that the guy was possibly too cheap, too lazy, or too big of a mama’s boy to move out on his own.

            Also, at a certain point, I began to grow weary of having to hang out with a guy’s parents every time I went to visit him, regardless of whether or not I liked them. I also went through a phase where I didn’t feel like I had as much in common with my girlfriends who planned to live at home until they got married, which at the time I thought to be taking the easy way out.

            I recall expressing my frustrations to a friend of mine who at the time still lived with his parents, even going so far as to try to shame him into moving out as well. I clearly remember telling him that if he did not do so, he could expect to remain single forever. He may have been offended, but as far as I was concerned, at the time, I was doing him a favor.

            Looking back, although I sometimes struggled to make ends meet, things still may have been a little easier for me than they were for others. I must confess that although after I got my own place I proudly paid my own rent and other bills, I did have the good fortune of having an extremely generous, thoughtful grandmother, who not only cooked for me, but also bought extra food for me when she went shopping. That, along with weekly dinners at my parents’ helped keep my grocery costs down. Also, all those years ago, the cost of rent did not seem as out of reach as it does for some people today.

            Recently, not only have the prices of groceries and other necessities skyrocketed but the cost of rent for even a small apartment has also risen dramatically, so much so as to make it newsworthy.

            When a young girl I know told me of her plans to work hard and save enough money so she could move out on her own, although I tried to offer whatever encouraging words I could, I secretly wondered, even after scraping up the required first and last months’ rent, how she would manage to continue to pay today’s exorbitant prices on a regular, monthly basis.

            Times have certainly changed. Other than when they go off to university and possibly live on campus, many people are living at home with their parents until a much older age than I did before moving out, and doing so now is not as frowned upon as it once was.

            I am very grateful that I got the chance to enjoy the freedom and independence that came from living on my own as a young lady. Hopefully everyone else who wants to will eventually get their chance to have the same experience; it just might take a little bit longer to save up for than it did in the past.

Living at home may no longer come with the same stigma that it once did or be as much of a reason for writing off a potential love interest as it used to be. So, if you are currently in a relationship with someone, you might have to exercise a little patience until you are both ready to pay your own rent. In the meantime, the next time you go over to his house to watch a movie, just be sure to move over and make some room on the couch for his mother.

Copyright © by Andrea Freedman 2022

Lost voicemail messages still ring in my ear

By Andrea Freedman

Recently, my husband and I made the decision to switch internet and telephone providers and although we are happy with the money we are saving as a result, I also have a word of caution for anyone else out there who is considering doing the same thing:

If you have saved anyone’s voicemail message for the express purpose of always being able to hear that person’s voice after he or she passes on, unless you remember to record it on another device, that message will be gone forever once you change providers.

Prior to making the switch, I had saved messages from a couple of close relatives and friends who have unfortunately since died, and I was horrified when I first realized that their last words to me were now lost. I had begun to take a small modicum of comfort from replaying their messages and knowing that I had so carelessly erased them made me sad and angry with myself.

For the next several weeks, without letting anyone else know what I was doing, I started to save messages from anyone who called that is important to me, just so I would not lose the chance to listen to the sound of their voices if anything happened to any of them in the future.

Although I had not had the foresight to save any of the many messages that my sister had left for me over the years, and kicked myself repeatedly for not doing so after she passed away, I was very grateful when my aunt discovered that she in fact still had a saved message from my sister, and she was thoughtful enough to put it into an email and send it to me as an attachment. Even though the message was not meant for me, I am glad that I am now able to hear my sister’s voice once again regardless.

While I am certain that the majority of my relatives or friends whose voices I had saved would not want me to spend extra money just so I could do that – especially some of the more sensible among them – I wonder how many people would be shocked if they knew that I had been saving their voices in preparation for their possible demise. Not to mention, after a while it dawned on me that if I continued on this path I might eventually run out of storage space in my voicemail.

The truth is though, just like I never forget a face, I also never forget a voice no matter how much time goes by without me actually hearing it. Furthermore, when I am lucky enough to see some of the people I am missing in my dreams, when they speak their voices sound exactly the same as I had remembered.

So, if you decide to swap phone providers, or even cancel your landline altogether in order to save a few bucks wherever possible in today’s challenging economy, if you too are in the habit of saving special recordings, you may wish to back them up; but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t.

And if anyone else out there happens to be wondering, rest assured that even if I don’t save any of your messages going forward, I will never forget the sound of your voice.

Copyright © by Andrea Freedman 2022

It’s not too late to purchase a copy of my children’s book, A Sister in Heaven, written in loving memory of my sister Carolyn to help kids (or anyone else) deal with grief. Please contact me directly at andrea.freedman@hotmail.com to order your copy or shop in person or online at one of the following stores:

Book City, 1430 Yonge St. at Yonge and St. Clair Ave., Toronto;

Joseph’s Inspirational, #39-2721 Markham Rd., Toronto, https://www.josephsinspirational.ca

Israel’s book and gift store, 441 Clark Ave. W., Thornhill, Ontario, https://www.israelsjudaica.com

Forster’s Book Garden, 266 Queen St. S., Bolton, Ontario, https://www.forstersbookgarden.ca

*Ebook version now available on Amazon Kindle:
https://www.amazon.com/Sister-Heaven-Andrea-Freedman-ebook/dp/B0B7TFQSZB