When little hints prevent bigger embarrassments

By Andrea Freedman

A few weeks ago, on an unusually hot late summer day, I stopped by the ladies’ room just before leaving the gym. As I had planned to take a shower at home after my workout, I still had my gym shorts on when I exited the washroom stall.

I was about to leave, when a lady who I had never spoken to before informed me that I had a piece of toilet paper stuck to the back of my still sweaty leg. I thanked the lady profusely for bringing it to my attention and preventing me from walking out like that in public and we ended up sharing a laugh.

It made me think about other situations I have witnessed where someone else might have been grateful to have been told about a wardrobe malfunction or, let’s say, a piece of spinach in their teeth.

I remember an incident from my childhood as clear as if it had happened yesterday; my parents took my sister and I out for a day of looking at houses and the real estate agent at one of the open houses we went to unknowingly had one side of her skirt tucked right up into her underwear, thereby fully exposing one side of her posterior.

I, my sister and our parents walked behind the woman through the entire house without saying a word, all the while keeping straight faces with great difficulty. Of course we could hardly wait to talk about it the moment after we were out the door. We all agreed that we wished we could have told the lady but that it was too embarrassing to say anything to her, and possibly even inappropriate, especially if my dad had said anything.

On another occasion when I was back in my law firm days, I recall one of the female lawyers wearing a white linen dress, only to be made aware that it was actually completely see-through when it was quietly pointed out to her by a virtual stranger. I remember the woman spending the rest of the day hidden behind her desk, but that she expressed gratitude to the stranger for telling her.

Pointing out something to someone in order to help him or her prevent an embarrassing moment that could otherwise be avoided is not the same as hurting a person by remarking on a physical flaw that he or she can’t help. (Please refer to https://andreafreedmanfreelancewriter.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/guess-what-i-own-a-mirror/.) There are, however, some gentle, tactful ways of indicating to someone if something on their person needs to be fixed:

When someone has something in their nose (also known as a booger), try offering them a Kleenex, perhaps even blowing your own nose first, hopefully leading by example.

Pretending to scrutinize your clothing thoroughly front and back in the mirror could indirectly encourage someone like the real estate agent mentioned above to do the same so that she may see for herself if something is askew without it having to be verbalized.

While telling someone they have B.O., bad breath or an unwanted facial hair could be taking things too far, taking a breath mint yourself and then offering one to another person could give them a subtle hint without the necessity of any words being spoken.

When Justin Trudeau became Prime Minister in 2015 and was up on stage celebrating with his wife Sophie Grégoire Trudeau, there was a moment when she lifted her arm and waived to the crowd. I looked at the TV screen and immediately noticed the sweat stains under her arm, as I am sure one of her friends or advisers in the front row also did and somehow pointed out to her, because I also noticed that she abruptly dropped her arm, with a mixture of horror and relief on her face.

If you spot a woman wearing soiled white pants due to an accident as a result of her menstrual period, offer to lend her a sweater or jacket if you have one, so she can tie it around her waist until she gets home. (This is probably best with someone you know and will see again in the future so you can get your jacket back.)

Upon noticing someone with his or her fly undone – especially if you know he or she is about to stand in front of an audience to give a speech – perhaps fix your own zipper, visibly, so that the other person might be prompted to do the same.

You never know how a person will react to unsolicited tips, but in some cases, I think that instead of being offended, most people would appreciate being told if something is amiss about their appearance that they are able to change before being seen by the rest of the world. Not to mention, as in the case with me and the woman in the gym locker room – provided he or she doesn’t become angry and tell you to mind your own business – you just might end up making a new friend in the process.♦

 

Copyright by Andrea Freedman, 2018