B-List Buddies

By Andrea Freedman

When a woman I talked to recently at the gym told me about a man she was seeing, at first it sounded promising. That was until I found out that the guy she was dating just so happened to be busy with one thing or another each and every single weekend. This went on for a couple of months, until the woman decided that, whatever his reasons were, if he didn’t consider her good enough, or important enough, to spend time with her on the weekends, then she did not need to waste any more of her time with him, period.

When dating someone new, the first few dates do tend to be short, weeknight drinks or coffee. But if it continues and the person is always busy on weekends, it might be time to question his or her intentions, or whether they are possibly married or in another relationship.

Funny enough, a friend can feel just as bad as a potential date or relationship if they are only relegated to weeknights. While a weekend date gives hope for a relationship to make it to the next level, the same can be said for a friendship. For example, yet another lady I know also told me a story I found interesting. She and her husband were friends with another couple – or so they thought. After having gotten together several times for casual outings during the week, the woman suggested that they plan a dinner out on a weekend. Instead of committing to a Saturday night, the so-called friend at first made one excuse after another about how busy she and her husband are on weekends and eventually the relationship petered out. It was as if my friend had stepped out of line, or crossed an invisible boundary. As far as she was concerned, the message the other couple was trying to convey was “Weekends are for real friends and you are not one of them.”

A lot of people reserve weekends for family or quality spousal time, or they don’t like to lock themselves in, in case something better comes along. Granted not every outing needs to be a big hoopla. Weekend dates or social gatherings tend to go on longer and later in the night and there are actually times when an early get-together after work is just fine. The problem arises when one party starts to feel as if they have been put on another’s permanent “B” list.

Nobody feels good being treated like a second-rate citizen, given the proverbial cheap seats or as if they are not worthy of prime time. Nor does anyone like to be thought of as an obligatory time-filler to be gotten out of the way during the week.

If you never make it past the coffee or first date stage, or if you notice you have been demoted or kept at a certain level by someone you thought was a friend, it might be time to move on. I think my friend has now gotten the hint, and it looks as though this farce of a friendship has now been put on hold indefinitely. As for the lady at the gym, I am told she has now met a new guy who is only too happy to spend time with her on the weekends.♦

Copyright © by Andrea Freedman 2015

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About andfreed

I am a Toronto based writer of articles, columns, essays and novels.

Posted on July 17, 2015, in Weekly Thoughts and Observations and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. That sounds so familiar. We know people who only want to see us during the week, and we haven’t gotten together with them all summer because of that. I have met the lady of the twoesome in the hall, and she doesn’t have too much to say to me lately. I wonder if she is getting the hint. Anyway, so much for new friendships. We’ll stick with the friends who enjoy spending Saturday night with us since we try not to get together during the week, which is fine with the old and dear friends that we love.

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  2. Trust me, we’ve all been there. The key thing is recognising when you’ve become little more than an appliance to that “friend” and do something about it.

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